Deep Thoughts by Bald Candy
After 42 years of having hair, I decided it was time to cut if off… These are thoughts on life as a bald guy.
And… Yes, this blog is dedicated to thoughts about our sermons, real life struggles, church life and the cool things God is doing in our community, lives and world.
But this post is really just about my shining dome.
It started with pictures. “Man, am I really that bald? I don’t feel that bald.” It turns out it doesn’t matter if you feel like you have lots of hair. Pics don’t lie. And neither do your kids.
“It’s time, dad,” my 13-year-old said caringly, as if deeply concerned for my well-being. “Besides, you’re going to look like Adam Levine with your head shaved.”
Adam Levine? Of Maroon Five? People Magazine’s 2013 Sexiest Man Alive?
Bring me the clippers.
So I did it. I let my wife Karin shave it all off backstage during a service at Ascent, and unforeseen things started happening.
Flies immediately started landing on my head.
Didn’t see that coming. No one warned me about this. Is this normal? What is so irresistible to flies about my dome? Do flies think my head is good looking? If you lose your looks for humans, do you start attracting insects? Or do I just need to shower more? And if I shower, do I still need shampoo? Or is sunscreen the new shampoo for me?
I’m fascinated by how many times I’ve looked in the mirror this week and thought, “Man, I’m glad I don’t look bald anymore.” Think about that one.
And why is everyone grabbing my head and petting me? This must be how pregnant women feel with their tummies. If people keep petting my head and start talking to it in baby voice, I swear I’ll grow my hair back. But would it grow back? And what would I look like in the “in between” state when it’s like an inch long? Is that the “no man’s land” of style? Could I get stranded there?
With no hair on top, I’m noticing my eyebrows are out of control. Have they always been that way? Don’t answer that. Ditto for the ears and nose hair. My motto needs to be from here out, “If you’re gonna grow a beard, keep it on the chin.”
And why do I suddenly feel like I need to start lifting weights? Do bald guys have to look tough? What if I’m not that tough? Should I get a tattoo? What if I don’t want a tattoo? You know… Bald-headed, buff and tattooed pastors named Jim have done OK in these parts.
But no… that’s not me. Not the “me” I want to be. I’m good with having no hair, but get ready – I guarantee when it’s freezing in Ascent come January, I’ll be preaching with a hat on my head for insulation. Frozen makes a good movie but a bad sermon.
Be sure to join Jim and the gang at Ascent this Sunday, 10am - click the home page for directions to our Louisville location.